Wednesday December 17, 2014 I had had my membranes stripped for the 4th time. I was so ready for this baby to come, I have been uncomfortable for about 3 weeks now, pain every time i step cant bend over to put shoes on and getting more and more stretch marks. Also I was just ready to meet this little lady. Later that evening Aaron and I went to visit my Mom at the Physical Therapy Facility that she has been at for the past week healing from her knee surgery. While we were there I felt the first trickle, I knew i wasn't peeing myself because i mean the has happened quite a few time during this pregnancy and this trickle feeling was totally different. But I didn't pay to much attention to it. As the night went on i felt as though i was going to need to sleep with a pad because the trickles were still going. As I woke up the next morning I decided i might just have to call the doctor. As i was talking to them they told me it would be best to go to Labor and Delivery just to be safe. If my water is breaking they would want me to have the baby within the next 24 hours. I did as the doctor said and went to L&D i was there for a good 4 hours. They did tests and lab work even an ultrasound and everything came back unclear. They didn't know what i was leaking but the tests were all negative for amniotic fluid. They ended up sending me home. As the day went on I was still leaking and when Aaron got home i was just laying in bed, I felt so wore out. 10:00pm came around and i was still leaking and it started to get heavier. I called L&D and they told me to come back in. Aaron and I didn't know that this was the beginning!
We got to L&D and we were looking for answers and the nurses could tell. She was amazing with helping up and really getting to the bottom of it. She ran the same tests from earlier and they were coming out negative again. She then did some lab work and FINALLY for a positive answer. It was amniotic fluid. We were directed to do the "long walk" to start labor because i wasn't having any contractions. The walk was also to help break my water so the leaking would stop. Aaron and I walked around that small hospital for two whole hours! I have never been so bored and irritated that nothing was happening.
We got back to the hospital room and the nurse came in and said "the only option we have left is to induce you." I was so upset with this news I wanted my body to go into labor when it wanted to. I didn't want to have a drug force me to be in labor. I fell into tears at the thought of it. But it was time, and i didn't have a choice so they started me on Pitocin at 4:00am. I talked to the nurse and told her I wanted to go unmediated and that i didn't want the pitocin to get too high and if possible take me off once we got to a certain cm. She liked the plan and the was the beginning. I started my labor, I was gearing up to bring this baby into the world. I had never been so freaked out, yet so ready for something in my life.
The hospital room that they put me in could have been more perfect. It was facing directly at the Mt. Timpanogas Temple. I had the perfect view of where Aaron and I were sealed. I felt so calm and and ready. Looking at the Temple and praying to my Father was something i will always remember. I know he was there with me while i was laboring. I don't remember a lot of the labor i can recall was that i would lay there and days off and was totally relaxed.
Through out the night the nurses had changed and the nurse that was there when the pain really started to kick in didn't get the memo that I wanted to be winged off pitocin. She was maxing it out. I was having minute and half long contractions with 20-30 seconds to recover then the next one would hit. I had never felt that much pain in my life. And i was ready for it to be over with. I looked at Aaron and told him i wanted the epidural. I had made it to 8cm without any help and i feel very good about that.
30 minutes later i had the epidural and i began to feel like i was in heaven. I would look over and see i was having a contraction and only felt pressure instead of the pain. I was so happy. I got the epidural done at 11:00am and around 12:45 the nurse came in to see if i had dilated more. much to her surprise, not mine, I was complete! I was ready to push that baby out!
She got everything ready and boom I started to push. It took me 3 good contractions and pushes for her to call the Dr. He was over within 5 min. and I went right back at it. Pushed and pushed. 20 min later i had my baby in my arms. I had her. I felt her. I couldn't believe that it was over, that she was here. That I was officially her Mama.
Little Madalyn Grubbs was born on her daddy's birthday December 19th 2014 at 1:18pm she weighed 7lbs 4oz and 20inches long. She was perfect.
I still cant believe that I am about to be a mother. Just one more week till my due date, December 20, 2014. There had been many times I thought i'd never see this day come. My husband Aaron and I have tried to get pregnant for 5 years. There have been many complications, one surgery, miscarriage, and a lot of heart ache. But one thing never changed, hope, that one day we will have the wonderful opportunity to bring a baby into this world. My greatest want was to get pregnant the natural way. I was never on birth control and doing Clomid didn't seem good for me because I was so regular with me cycle, it was like clock work. But with the way things were going it was looking like we would need to explore the infertility world.
We prayed and asked if this was the route we would have to take. We didn't receive an answer quite yet so an appointment was made to meet with an infertility specialist. She planned out the whole thing for us; two rounds of IUI then if those didn't work we would do one round of IVF. We left the office feeling okay about the decisions we were making, but it was breaking my heart that we would have to have help with something that is so natural within its self. Amazingly a few days after we met with the Specialist we found out we were pregnant! Crazy how things work out. We were able to enjoy that baby for the most beautiful 3 weeks, then the tragedy of loosing her tore me/us apart.
There was no rime or reason to why it happened. But going through the pain of loosing that baby i was able to feel the utmost love and comfort from my Heavenly Father. These feelings were so strong that i couldn't give up. He gave me a little glimpse, an answer, of what could be and that it can happen the way i have always wanted it to. It was a harsh and painful way to learn and to continue to have hope but I am grateful for every second. Four months later I was pregnant again!
Now this may sound silly because of what was just written above but I am scared out of my mind to physically bring a child into this world!
I am really pushing for a non medicated delivery, and that could be the majority of my fears. I feel like i was blessed to bring this baby into world naturally i want to deliver her naturally.
My goal isn't to show how tough I can be or to prove some sort of girl power whatever. I simply think that this is what my body was created for. This is what God commanded me to do and with his help and love we can over come the pain and fears together. I know a lot of women are probably shaking there head and saying something like "you have no idea what you're getting yourself into" and you are right, I have no idea how much pain it will be and that is what scares me. I know this is going to rock my world and I will most likely regret the decision while i am wanting to rip my body apart. But knowing that this is why women were created and the fact that so many women have done non medicated deliveries gives me some comfort and hope in the matter.
Another reason why I want to go non medicated is because I want to know that I can do this. That I can endure that much pain for the life of my new born daughter. I want to know that even through all of the fear, pain, and exhaustion I am doing this for her. For her to have a life here and a chance on this earth to grow and learn. I know that even if i did a medicated delivery i would still have these wants for my daughter but something about going through that physical pain helps me see that i will be able to handle whatever emotional pain she will bring. I'm not saying that she will go to jail or whatever. I'm saying once she grows up to be an adult and wont need me anymore. When i become someone she visits instead of depending on for everything. Not being her world. Because she will always be mine. How will I be able to cope with that pain? So going through the physical anguish is one step closer to being stronger and knowing I can do hard things and overcome the emotions of a mother.
This city is breath taking. Its about 15 min away from where Aaron and I live and we go probably every other day. Well at least i do. The drive to Destin is amazing in it's self, you drive along the beach and then right before you get to the city you go over a bridge and the view is priceless! I fall in love with the Emerald Coast more and more every drive.
I havent blogged in i dont know how long - so sorry peeps who follow me! i have been a slacker! but i do keep up to date on instagram so you can follow me there too if you want my user name is lady_grubbs. This blog post is gonna be a big one with quite a few pictures and not much writing.. just so you guys know a little of whats going on in my life.
First! My sister Breanna had her second baby! Shelby - she was born December 19, 2013 and she has been an angel ever sense. She is beautiful and i just miss her tons. Brea actually let me stay in the delivery room while she was giving birth, and that my friends is a really cool experience. So here are a few photos of AFTER (haha) Shelby came :)
Then a couple days after Baby girl came into this world I was finally able to be with my Honey. We were apart for 4 months -not fun at all- But when he was home it was so good we got to spend christmas and new years together then he was off again back to Florida where i would meet him a week later.
After Aaron left it was getting down to business! packing up my whole house, saying good bye to friends and family and doing a mini photo shoot for Brea and her adorable family that i love so much!
my whole hose was behind the wood wall!
Once i was packed up, said my good byes and took the pictures it was on the road for Me and Rusty! 2000 miles and 3 days of driving! but the views mad it all worth it and of course being able to see my honey after those three days!
i got pretty bored
so did Rusty
dont worry peeps i was packin!
After that loooooooong drive and pretty much a numbest butt you could ever imagen I was rewarded with being with my better half and beautiful beaches! Guys the sand here is so dang soft! i couldnt and still cant get over it! Oh for those of you who dont know where i am living now its called Fort Walton Beach Florida. Aaron and I moved here obviously for the military. We will be here for about another 7 months so he can finish his EOD school (Explosive Ordnance Disposal).
the sand is so white and pretty
i saw this sign at one of the beached by my place, thought it was cool.
this little guy was on our screen
Aaron took me out to a hibachi house in Destin - thats like the touristy part of this area - it was really yummy! andi was also able to meet a lot of his class mates. Good people out here.
then comes the beach pix! oh i'm obsessed!
I then FINALLY got my stuff! so i was able to move in and get settled in and feel more confortable and at home.
I've had a lot of time to just chill because i'm still looking for jobs and such so i fill my time with running! the beach is about 1.5 miles from our condo so it makes the perfect run/tan session! I was also able to meet a couple of girls out here that are around my age and that like to work out so i have extra motivation to work out! the blond in Erin and the brunet is Stacey. Really awesome chicks i might add!
So ya theres the update hopefully i will be a little bit better with posting!
love you guys!